


Things That Go Bump In The Night

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Bad Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-08-31
Updated: 2001-08-31
Packaged: 2018-11-20 10:41:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11334096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atThe Basement, which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onThe Basement's collection profile.





	Things That Go Bump In The Night

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Things that go hump in the night by Laurel

Title: Things that go hump in the night  
Author: Laurel  
E-mail:   
Date: August 2001  
Archive: Yes to DitB, anyone else just ask first  
Pairing: Unclassified. I could tell you but I won't because I don't want to spoil the surprise. You like surprises, don't you?  
Summary: Badfic  
Rating: R for m/m sex and profanity  
Spoilers: None  
Note: No, you don't need new glasses nor is my spelling wrong. You have read the title correctly. If you're not familiar with Judge Mills Lane, he's like Judge Judy, only he's a bald guy and he's not as verbally abuse. His pet phrase is "let's get it on!"

* * *

It was a dark and stormy night. It really was, it's not just a bad opening to a story.

It was dark because it was night time and because of the horrific thunderstorm, (see, it was stormy), the electricity was out.

Mulder was scared to leave the big bed and big Walter to check if it was just a fuse. He checked the time on his watch that had a glow in the dark feature. It was two in the morning.

"Probably a bolt of lightning hit a transformer or something," Mulder muttered. 

Walter wasn't afraid of the dark so he didn't bother checking on the fuse situation. He also didn't want to leave Mulder's cold feet on his backside. It was the only thing cooling him on the hot sweltering night.

It was hot and sweltering because it was August.

Anyhoo, Walter and Mulder couldn't sleep because it was hot and sticky and sweltering and storming up a storm. All sorts of lightning bolted through the sky (it was a dark sky, by the way, in case you forgot). All kinds of thunder was crashing through the house like a bomb or maybe a .45 magnum and sometimes it sounded like an AK-47. At least it did to Walter.

There was a squeaking sound coming closer to the bedroom. It could have been a burglar stepping on the floorboards or maybe it was a mouse coming to steal Mulder's sunflower seeds. Who knew? (Actually I know, because I wrote it).

It crept closer and Mulder hid his face under the sheets. He shoved his feet up Walter's back. Boy, was Walter's skin hot!

There was a shifting motion as the something settled its weight on the mattress (it was a Sealy Posturepedic). Walter grunted and tried to roll over to sleep but the shape was sitting on his leg.

"Damn dog," he muttered.

The dog was probably scared of the storm. Walter's annoyance softened.

"Poor puppy. Afraid of God's bowling balls? Hah, boy, that was a strike," he whispered to the hapless lab.

Mulder relaxed.

"It's just the dog," he sighed.

He took the sheets from his head and closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep with the dog curled up at his side.

The creature moved, bouncing on the bed excitedly.

"Quit it!" Mulder squealed.

"Knock it off," Walter grumbled.

The movements stopped and soon there was the slap of flesh on flesh.

Through the thin sheets (two hundred thread count) there was a thrusting against Mulder's upturned leg.

"Arrgh, stop it Sparky!" 

The humping on his leg continued, only now there was a wet tongue rasping over his cheek. 

"Ugh, Sparky, you perverted mutt!" Mulder screamed.

Walter fumbled in the bedside table for a flashlight and switched it on to see what all the racket was about.

There sat Alex on top of Mulder's leg (which was not climbing Walter anymore). He was stark naked and grinning like a madman.

"What's the matter baby? Did I scare you?"

"Alex I thought you were the dog. What's wrong with you?"

"I thought you'd like a hump in the middle of the night." Alex pouted.

"You could have called first to let us know you were coming home," Walter groused.

"You're just pissed I wasn't humping your leg. Besides my cell phone was way out of range. What's with the lights? Was there a power outage or something?"

"It's storming outside in case you haven't noticed."

"Nope I didn't."

"Where were you anyways? Did you meet with the aliens?" Walter asked.

"Yup. They dropped me off on the front lawn. I didn't notice the storm on account of it being so dark."

"What do the aliens want this time?" Mulder asked fearfully.

"Just Pamela Anderson. They need her DNA so they can clone her."

"Good choice," Mulder muttered.

"That's all?" Walter asked, sounding disappointed that he couldn't get all macho and kick some alien ass.

"They also wanted processed cheese. I brought them a case of Cheez-whiz."

Alex slapped Mulder's sweaty butt.

"I'm horny. In the words of Judge Mills Lane, let's get it on!"

Alex proceeded to fuck Walter and Mulder into the mattress. It was a Sealy Posturepedic, you know.

  
Archived: August 27, 2001 


End file.
